Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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