shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
