We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
