12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize