I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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