Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
