i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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