Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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