Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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