the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ok first of all what the fuck
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
