i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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