If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
