fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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