im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
