if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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