Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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