Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
