your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
