her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
