I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I puked a lego.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
