Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
