ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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