My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
