I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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