can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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