Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
