Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
