we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
