Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
