Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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