All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize