what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
