We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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