you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
