Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
as a side note pls kill me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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