I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
