Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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