remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
