So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
