tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
