I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
