and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
