omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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