You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
