i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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