i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
