Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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