I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
