Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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