I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
