my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Randomize
