woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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