I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
