We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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