Where are you?
In a non slutty way
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
