does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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