and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
