Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize