Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Randomize
