I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
