i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My dick has a subreddit
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
