Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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