some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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