Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
