Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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