i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
