I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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